The garden that ate me alive.

A spoken word thing that I had the pleasure of sharing with some friends at a talent show. My friend Nathan is back with more incredible artwork to flesh out this piece!! Give him a follow on Instagram, it’s so worth it.

Poem 238 of 365 –

you have a pretty soul
will you let me in?
will you let me come close?
but that’s okay
Maybe just for now
could I get your name?

It’s beautiful.
But I’d rather you not know mine.
I’ve made certain mistakes 
too many times
the windows to my soul are shuttered and barred
you’ll have to get past those guards
before you can see my battered heart.

Will I what?
at least tell you what it’s like?
I mean, sure, but it’s not pretty like yours.
It’s a garden,
four feet by eight.
it’s small but that’s because it’s in a cave.
my flowers grow by moonlight
and my vines by sunset
the strangest part is
how they haven’t all died yet
I’ve no green thumb 
so it must be grace
that’s keeping my soul alive
my garden is watered by
what comes when I cry.

The mistakes I made?
What I have sown.
I should have left the seeds alone
not fed them with sorrow-blood
not thought they would satisfy
when they grew big enough 
to plot my demise.
I nurtured them and they tortured me
I gave them time and they gave me pain
I dug their little holes
thinking they would make me whole
but instead I gave myself a grave.

maybe someday the guards will take their leave
and the bars will rust away
the shutters won’t be shut anymore
and night will become day

and as you walk into my cave
see my garden, see my grave
no headstone to brag of my foolery
no nice dress, no glowing jewelry
It’s open like a gaping scream
just like my mouth
stiffened and cold
my gums rotting, skin peeling away
from my once confident grin that said 
it will be okay
you can see the irony in my smile now
as the flowers have blossomed in my sockets
running over my cheekbones like the tears they drank frōme.
the vines encase my exposed body
the skin rigid and frigid, pale and limpid
a background for the dark slimy leaves
that I planted.
they have no roots 
in the ground, you must assume
they came out of me
but you can’t really see
the leaves are so thick that they cover me.
You understand now?
I never should have grown those seeds.
so please watch your pretty soul 
I don’t know your name,
you still haven’t told
me but I hope I’m someone you trust.
whatever we sow in our souls will manifest in us.

~ Essie

2 thoughts on “The garden that ate me alive.

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